Okay, this is awkward.
I was in a movie recently, and I’ve been in some short films, and I’m working on some new projects that will come out here in the near future as well.
Recently there have been a couple of occasions where people have asked me to autograph things (a poster and a couple of DVD cases).
I’ve always said if someone is a celebrity or actor or something and they don’t autograph stuff for people they’re dicks.
I sort of understand now, however, why some of them may choose not to or at least may not appear super stoked to do so.
My autograph sucks.
My signature sucks, and I use my same signature for autographing stuff as I would use for signing a check or a credit card, etc.
It’s basically just a dumb little squiggle that honestly doesn’t even resemble any letters or anything.
I suppose it kind of sort of begins like it might be trying to almost be part of an “r” but not even that, really.
If I asked me for my autograph, and then I signed that dumb little squiggle, I’d smack me.
So, last night a couple of attractive females asked me to sign their DVD cases of the badass zombie movie I’m in (I play a Giant Zombie Clown, it’s the shit, truly the shit). I told them I would happily do it, but that they really didn’t want my autograph because it’s just a stupid little squiggle.
They still wanted it.
So, when attractive females want something I give it to them.
You see what I did there?
But, I digress.
It was tremendously hard for them to hide their disappointment. Not even really sure they tried.
So, I guess I can add to the innuendo by saying “when attractive females ask me for something, I give it to them; and disappoint them.”
But, I further digress.
I suffer from “autograph envy” apparently.
So, being the kind and giving person I am, rather than just being all like “I don’t sign autographs” I am instead working aggressively to modify my signature.
It’s harder than it sounds, believe it or not.
I have gone through multiple sheets of paper now, and I have it down to something based on my initials (I hate writing my name in cursive, and printing it, even kind of artistically, seems dumb).
I thought of maybe incorporating a clown hat in there somewhere, because of the Giant Zombie Clown thing, but I’m not sure.
I am trying to do something legible, unique, and something that I can do quickly if I’m ever in the position to have to sign lots of stuff for lots of people.
So, to sum this up, if you ever plan to become famous you may want to start working on your autograph skills ahead of time; because this is turning into something of a Giant Zombie Pain In The Ass.
Okay, this is awkward.