R.I.P. Fred Phelps (NSFW)

The front man of the death metal group “Westboro Baptist Church” passed away today.

Okay, he was the leader and patriarch of a church, not a death metal group front man. But, he might as well have been the front man of a death metal group.

He was all about death, and hurting the families of those who have died. Picketing their funerals, putting counters on his website showing how long they have been in Hell, etc.

I’m sure he was a great guy, fun at parties, good for a laugh. Great sense of humor I would imagine.

I kind of feel bad for death metal groups because of the analogy above, but it was funny, in my opinion, so I’m not going to edit it.

The Westboro Baptist Church has a website, it is godhatesfags.com, it seems to be down. Maybe hacked? Probably hacked. These people are not well liked individuals.

So, anyhow, he died of a prolapsed rectum from all the anal sex from young boys he enjoyed throughout his life. And receiving horse penis. Horse penis, I say.

Okay, that’s not true, as far as I know. But it could be true, so I’m not going to edit that out either. Fuck him. What’s he going to do, sue me? He’s dead. Very very dead. And probably the most surprised person ever right about now.

I wouldn’t feel nearly as badly about him as a human being if I thought he was genuinely trying to save anyone with his perverted spin on a great religion. But he seemed to be a zealous and enthusiastic spreader of hatred and ill-will for the sake of spreading hatred and ill-will. And for attention. Much like when he blows homeless guys for crack when no one’s looking, he is a whore for attention as well. Okay, I also should point out I do not know for sure he ever gave blowjobs for crack cocaine or slept with random black guys because he loves their statistically larger penises. I did hear this from a source, though, whom I do not have to identify. Also, AIDS. It’s a disease, look it up. Fred Phelps had that too. It’s what he died from, after all. Again, unconfirmed, but I would be irresponsible if I didn’t mention it because if it is ever confirmed I feel like I would have let you down as a reader by not letting you know the moment I, myself, knew.

I’m good like that.

What I’m getting at here is all the man ever was and ever stood for is the need for attention and publicity and the willingness to do whatever it took to get that publicity.

Shamelessly picketing the funerals of military men and women.

Putting up counters on his website of how long homosexuals have been in Hell.

Writing article after article, and doing interview after interview, about how doomed America is and how all Americans are going to hell for supporting “fags.”

He spent all of this time, all of the precious time on Earth God gave him, and squandered the opportunities he had to do good, to teach the true lessons of The Bible, like “God is love” and “love thy neighbor” and he pissed it all away.

Now random homosexuals and homeless people will occasionally piss on his grave. Or maybe they won’t. Maybe the ultimate irony will be that a man who lived for attention may, in death, get none at all.

Only time will tell.

So, to you, Fred Phelps, I say Rest In Peace, goat fucker, Rest In Peace.

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About rbwaters

I'm a guy who loves his family and friends, enjoys writing, acting, political discussions, tech stuff, movies and certain TV shows (mostly cable).
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